When Tracey died on July 15, 2001 our lives forever
changed. We no longer held our precious daughter and
mother in the natural sense of the word. There would
be no more hugs, or smiles, or Sunday lunches
together. There was a profound and agonizing ache
in each of our hearts. We functioned but were barely
breathing ourselves. A part of us died that
dreadful day.
Tracey however left us some gifts, and some she
brought to us in the weeks that passed. She had
built a web page herself that we had not ever seen
and would only discover after many months while
aimlessly drifting through the search engines one
dark and lonely night when sleep evaded us.
I remember one night in late August softly grieving
to myself, rocking on our deck in a swing, and
realizing that even though our life would forever be
empty without her here in the natural, we could
always have her presence with us in spirit.
The wonderful memories of her childhood, and the
happiness of her love in our lives was a rich
blessing to all of us.
I remeber thinking to myself at that moment what was
the purpose for her life? Was it the childhood she
seemed so perfect in? The pain of abusive marriage
or the dreadful experiences of her illness? What
purpose was God trying to teach us in her living?
These questions I pondered in my soul and in my
thoughts for weeks.
SEPTEMBER 11, 2001
I work for United Airlines. I was at work the morning
of September 11, 2001. Ploding my way thru the
everday agony of my daughters death and greatful
for the opportunity to work and focus on something
other than my personal loss.
There was time that morning to leave our office
and make the normal daily rounds of the work areas.
It was just prior to our departing to undertake
that , when our office door flew open and I
recognized the panic in the face of another co- worker.
I knew at once there was something dreadfully wrong.
He told us every flight was being grounded and that
airplanes and passengers were dropping out of the sky.
For one second I froze stiff in my place,
as the familar panic and fear began to overtake
my body. What could have possibly have happened?
What accident could have occured that would cause
such chaos?
We went to a training room to watch the T.V. only
to find our minds for ever altered in shock and
disbelief as we watched our United aircraft fly
into the side of the World Trade Center. It was
shear horror and total disbelief, and the
unimaginable anger as we realized we, were under
attack by an unknown and dispicable enemy.
Both myself and my boss ran to the trains to get
us to the concourse to render assistance to our co
workers. Planes were landing all over, the skies
were dropping them like flies. And passengers in total
disbelief and anxiety quickly exited landed aircraft
and headed for the safety of the exits. It was
absolute pandemonium.
Shortly the airport was empty. Hundreds of airplanes
of every make and model on the tarmac, and an
eary silence that spoke of immense sadness,
and total exhaustion. The airport on that day became
a tomb of the American dream, a dream of safety or
protection, and of freedom.
Silently we left that day, grief stricken for our
fallen co wworkers killed on those flights, our
passengers, our country, and ourselves. Sadness that
death had stolen not only my personal peace again
but put the balance of our everyday life at risk.
As those days began to unfold, people frightened and
in denial about what they had seen, anguish arose
as countless people began to lose jobs, their safety
net began to wither, and children feined a restless
sleep. Indeed America was grieving, just as I was
grieving, and we were once again cast into mourning
for our fallen brothers and sisters.
Somehow I found the courage within. Perhaps because
I knew if I did not then surely I would die too.
So I mustered my courage, and I led my co workers
into the fight to protect ourselves and our futures
by doing the right thing for America. We needed to
defend ourselves and we were all we had, so we
wanded, we screened, we searched bags, we did
everything we could to hold on. Some willingly others
not so willingly.
And as furloughs began to take hold we worked through
those who could volunteer and those who couldn’t,
and we forged onward.
Little by little I began to realize what God was
doing with me. He had placed me where I was, so
that I might be able to speak to the awfulness of
such loss. He had a story for me to share with
thousands of others about the courage, about the
strength he gave me, a story about drug addiction,
a story about recovery, a story about domestic
violence, and a story about a Country that needs his
loving hand upon her heart. But more than that it
was a story about in the face of unimaginable pain,
both personally and at work, there were angels who
come to guide us in our darkest hours, angels who
for one second extend a hand of hope. Those angels
were those who helped, and in my case they were the
Victim’s Advocates.
THE FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT HER
I knew that October 27, 2001 would be the hardest
day of my life. I also realized it would also be
the hardest days of countless others lives every day
of the year for years to come, of other parents,
and children, and wives and husbands. Families torn
in two by grief and suffering unknown before in this
country. I wanted to give my child, my deceased child
a gift for her birthday. I decided the best thing
I could give her was life. Knowing that was
impossible in the natural sense, I decided I would
give her spiritual life.
AGONY FOR MANY AMERICANS
The agony was written all over America. None was
greater than the community of New York City.
There was a small village called Ridgewood New
Jersey, who had lost a large number of its residents
to the World Trade Center.
So with that in mind I began to target how to help
the Community who had sacrificed its men and women
to such tragedy.
CELEBRATION OF THE LIFE WE LOST
I planned a tea party for Tracey’s birthday.
I asked the guests to bring a canned food item and
a new teddy bear. The first teddy bear tea was begun.
We spent a quiet afternoon sharing tea and sandwiched
and wrote stories about each of our tragedies and
why these bears were so important to us. Each bear
was given it note and then sent to the advocates in
Ridgewood to help victims thru their tragedies.
We found peace in our own lives by sharing our pain,
and in rendering understanding to others who also
suffered. We found also a way to honor the help of
the advocates. And most of all I had found a means
of giving life to Tracey’s memory and to use her
suffering to support others.
LEO’S PLACE
Leo had traveled almost all of Tracey’s life with her.
Three days after her death I had to go to her
apartment with the police to identify some things and
remove her possessions. There on the couch sat Leo.
Spattered with blood, silently waiting to be removed
and taken to where he needed to be.
I brought him home, wanted to dry clean him but the
dry cleaners would not do it. So I figured the best
place for Leo was with Tracey, so I tucked him in
along side her and sent him on this heavenly way.
He must have sprouted wings that day, for now
everytime I see a teddybear I am reminded of his
place with her. Leo was a comfort to her all her life
and I hope these teddybears bring comfort to each
person they are given to as well.
For me Leo visits me in my dreams and brings me the
butterfly kisses I miss so much from my own personal
angel in heaven.
VICTIMS ADVOCACY AND MENTAL HEALTH ASSISTANCE PROGRAMS
I urge all Americans, and all human beings around the
world to remember Tracey’s story and Leo’s place
in her life. I urge all of us to contribute generously
to your local mental health programs, to support
active legislation for better mental health care and
research, and to participate yearly by donating a
teddy bear to our Teddy Bear Angel Tea.
For those who can to volunteer to assist your local
victims advocacy groups and to support their cause.
THE TEDDY BEAR ANGEL TEA
The Teddybear Angel Tea will be held annually the
last Saturday of October.
Anyone who whishes to donate to our cause may do so
at the following address:
The Teddy Bear Tea - Linda Fredrick
10861 Tennyson Ct
Westminster, Col 80031
thousands of innocent people that died in the
horrible incident.
In memory of all those who have perished:
the passengers and employees of the world trade
center and Pentagon and all the innocent bystanders
Our Prayers go out to the Families and friends of those
who had tragically saw or heard the indescribable
news.. Our hearts go out to the families and friends
of the loved ones.
Please click here to visit the WTC Site"
I hope you will pass this on too, for it may help
someone else. Linda
Dear Family and Friends,
I had a very dear friend question my faith in God
right after the terrorist attack on America. Her
question was simply put, "Where is your God today?"
She was very hurt, as all Americans were, so I tried
not to react defensively. Since that moment I have
prayed and grieved over the disastrous events.
However, I believe I have the answer. I know where my
God was the morning of September 11, 2001! He was
very busy.
First of all, he was trying to discourage anyone from
taking this flight. Those four flights together held
over 1000 passengers and there was only 266 aboard.
He was on 4 commercial flights giving terrified
passengers the ability to stay calm. Not one of the
family members who was called by a loved one on one
of the high-jacked planes said that passengers were
screaming in the background. On one of the flights
he was giving strength to passengers to try to
overtake high-jackers.
He was busy trying to create obstacles for employees
at the World Trade Center. After all only around
20,000 were at the towers when the first jet hit.
Since the buildings hold over 50,000 workers,
this was a miracle in itself. How many of the people
who were employed at the WTC told the media that they
were late for work or they had traffic delays.
He was holding up 2-110 story buildings so that
2/3 of the workers could get out. I was so amazed
that the top of the towers didn't topple when the
jets impacted.
Although this is without a doubt the worst thing I
have seen in my life, I can see God's miracles in
every bit of it. I keep thinking about my friend
and praying for her every chance I have. I can't
imagine going through such a difficult time and not
believing in God. Life would be hopeless.
Thanks for letting me share this with you!
(Thanks to my friends who have already heard all of
this, and haven't told me to put a sock in it!)
Kristen Mark
from one bereaved Mom to Another,
as a volunteer for My Parents Are Survivors.
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